The Transforming Fourth Trimester

The Transforming Fourth Trimester

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new”. Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Consider all of the work you have done in preparation for pregnancy, birthing, and parenthood. Then consider the evolution and transformation you have gone through as a woman through this process. Going into pregnancy often women have had time to define who they are as individuals. This definition could be filtered through work, charity, or some other definitive component of their life. And then some mothers have no idea who they are. Motherhood changes everything including who you are as an individual. Just as the baby experiences “the fourth trimester” so does the mother.

Unfortunately many mothers don’t take the time to just “be”. Transformation is a challenging time for anyone. There was a time when you had only yourself and your significant other to worry about. Now there is a baby to add to that mix and you have new responsibilities and priorities. This is a time to slow down and be gentle with your being. Take inventory and recharge your batteries emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Learn who you are as a mother, a woman, and a transformed human.

Processing
So how can we get to explore and get to know this new person? Journaling can be a powerful tool in this journey. Think about your birthing experience. If you can write about the experience as soon as possible after the birth it allows you time to consider and remember exactly what happened. You have immediate perspective which allows you to write accurately about a life altering event such as birthing. Having this event documented can provide a written account of your childbirth experience coupled with a creative outlet to process the event. What should you write about? Consider the following outline:

• How did you know you were in labor?
• How did it all begin?
• How did you feel?
• What did it feel like? How did you handle the contractions? Did you use drugs or not? How did you feel when you met your baby?
• Consider the different stages of birth and write about each of those phases: prelabor, thinning and opening, transition, final descent, and the arrival of your cherished baby.
• After you have a written account of your birth, considering asking for input from others (birth companion, midwife, doula, your family that was present, labor and delivery nurse, and/or OB). Its nice to have others perspective on your birthing too.

You have completed your record (written, in photos or video). Now take time to re-frame the birth if necessary. Consider what changes you would make for your next birth. Maybe you should bond more with your baby during pregnancy? Maybe your birth experience was traumatic? Would a support group help you? Finding a professional therapist that works with new mothers can be helpful. Some groups that provide both a social and educational component for new mothers are:

• ICAN ~ International Cesarean Awareness Network
• Le Leche League
• Mother Groups
• Local Parent Support Groups
• Online try Yahoo Parenting Groups, CafeMom, or Mindful Mama.
• In the Central Ohio area try CHOICE. They have a parent support group (regardless if you had a home birth or not). Sprout Soup on High Street has groups. The Elizabeth Blackwell Center also has mommy and me weekly get together. If you look into your community you can find wonderful support groups.

Affirmations
So you have been through this powerful trans-formative event called childbirth. The aftermath can leave a mother unsure of herself, possibly with some negative self talk, and possibly an unclear direction or life purpose. Lets now re-frame that thought. The aftermath of childbirth can provide us with opportunity- opportunity for change, for self reflection, and a new way of life. A tool that you may have used during pregnancy for a positive birthing are affirmations. These same tools can be used to help us re-frame our attitudes after birth. Affirmations basically are statements that consciously reprogram your mind to accept new ways of living. Some affirmations that you might find helpful are from Louise Hay’s book “Empowering Women-Every Woman’s Guide to Successful Living:

• I claim my feminine power now.
• I am discovering how wonderful I am.
• I see within myself a magnificent being.
• I am wise and beautiful.
• I love what I see in me.
• I choose to love and enjoy myself.
• I am my own woman.
• I am in charge of my life.
• I expand my capabilities.
• I am free to be all that I can be.
• I have a great life.
• My life is filled with love.
• I have dominion over my life.
• I am a powerful woman.
• I am worthy of love and respect.
• I am willing o learn new ways of living.
• I stand on my own two feet.
• I accept and use my own power.
• I am a peace with being a mother.
• I rejoice and enjoy were I am.
• I love and enjoy myself.
• I love, support, and enjoy the women in my life.
• I am deeply fulfilled by life.
• I explore all the many avenues of love.
• I love being a woman.
• I love being alive at this point in time and space.
• I fell my life with love.
• I accept this gift of my alone time.
• I feel totally complete and whole.
• I give myself what I need.
• It is safe for me to grow.
• I am safe, and all is well in my world.

Gratitude
Going through a trans-formative experience such as childbirth can make us appreciate and live in an energy of gratitude. You may be grateful that you had an empowering experience, that your child was born healthy, or for someone who helped you through the experience. The birthing experience often makes mothers think about their mothers in a much more appreciative light. Possibly you are contemplating the contribution that female mentors have made on your life. These women may have shaped your ideas about motherhood. Often after we go through such a transforming experience we have a new understanding of our own history and those who played a role in it. Expressing gratitude can lead to our feelings of inner peace. It has been reportced that those who express their gratitude are happier and healthier individuals. Consider writing a thank you note or letter to your mother or other important female mentor for all that she has given to you. You could also start a gratitude journal and list those things that cause you to be appreciative during the day. It is hard to see life through rose colored glasses when you are getting so little sleep as a mother. When you take time to smell the roses by writing down a few items that you are grateful for each day your life can be transformed to a more positivce thinking model.

Creative Expression
How else can you process your birth experience? Creative expression can be incredibly helpful when trying to process our experiences. Creating a collage or some birth artistry can bring another light to our birthing story. We use art in a way that often allows our subconscious barriers down and our spirit is given a voice. A birth portrait can be made in an impressionistic, modern, or some other artistic expression. You can use water colors, chalks, decoupage, acrylics, scrap-booking and other mediums. Consider creating your own artistic expressions of motherhood.

“Releasing the Mother Goddess” by Feldman and Adamson explains how enlightening it can be to consider what energies or spirit watched over you during your birthing. Did you have a natural birth? Perhaps a mother Goddess stood over you and urged you to accomplish your duty. Think about the web of women who stood behind, beside, and around you during this empowering experience. Did you have a Cesarean section? Think about how a mother Goddess possibly invoked medical aid to keep you and your child healthy and strong. Think about this web of women who surrounded you with positive birth energy then use that energy to fuel your artistic expression.

Reflection
Taking time for self after giving birth can be challenging for the new mother. However if you can just find time, at least 10 minutes to an hour or more each day you can have the benefits of clarity. What do you do with your ten minutes? Just take time to “be”. Sit quiet and reflect on who you are as a transformed being. Consider the new dimension to your life. If you are a spiritual person take a moment to pray a prayer of gratitude. Or if you feel comfortable meditate or follow a guided visualization to recharge your batteries. Did you know that 10 minutes of meditation can give you better rest than an entire night of sleep? That is critical when you consider how sleep deprived mothers are. Regarding meditation Dr. Wayne Dyer said “Through meditation we can tap in to an abundance of creative energy that resides within us, and a more meaningful experience of life, which enriches us permanently”. Applying that idea to motherhood and you have a tool that empowers and enriches us daily. You can find books on meditation all over the market. Some books which have been helpful for me:

• Dr. Wayne Dyer Getting in the Gap; Making Conscious Contact with God through Meditation
• Essential Tips 101 Basic Meditation by DK Publishing
• The Meditation Bible

The power of laughter
Think about the power of a full belly laugh. It can help rejuvenate the soul and change your entire perspective on life. Taking time to find the laughter in our lives is critical to being well adjusted and even keeled parents. Just as laughter helps to create endorphins during labor, we can use the same principal to help overcome some of the postpartum feelings of being overwhelmed as a new mother. Watch your favorite comedian or movie to find the laughter in your life again. Some suggested video rentals:

• Movies: Planes Trains and Automobiles, The Princess Bride, Bill Cosby – Himself, and others.
• Comedians: Elvira Kurt, Carlos Mancia, Lewis Black, or Ron White.

The physical “phacts”
Now consider the effects of birthing on your body. You may find you are carrying a little extra weight. Your body has morphed into a new physical shape because of the uterus being stretched and the extra fluid retention during pregnancy. Many women are completely disappointed that they are not able to wear their old pre-pregnancy jeans home from the hospital. The adjustment of learning to appreciate your new body can be filled with denial and then focused by reality. Taking time to look in the mirror and embrace the beauty of your new body can be quite empowering. This is your body….a body that previously was innocent and ignorant to what power and courage you possessed. Now post pregnancy and birthing you can embrace the power of maturity in the evolution your body. Being able to look in the mirror and find greater happiness and physical satisfaction is pure joy. Being able to laugh can help you cope with these changes and allow you an opportunity for rejuvenation.

When you are done laughing consider taking some fun “baby and me” time by exercising. Take a walk, garden, go to a local Yoga or Pilate's class, or rent an exercise video. Exercise can be therapeutic and allow you a few moments to either bond with your baby or just quiet reflection. Plus endorphins are created through movement which is beneficial from an emotional standpoint. A great basic Yoga video is Megan Garcia's Mega Yoga. By just moving can help you get in shape and re-frame your outlook on life. Embracing fuller hips, bust line, and body can be empowering but being healthy is beneficial for longevity as a mother. Think about accepting yourself in this moment as a powerful, courageous, and beautiful. That doesn’t mean we should not try to become more healthy for our families, right?

Inner peace as a mother is a balancing act that changes each day. Learning to tune into your needs and desires is critical through this transforming fourth trimester. For more ideas about how to connect with who you are read “Releasing the Mother Goddess” by Gail Carr Feldman Ph.D. and Even Adamson.

Summer Schedule- Sacred Beginning

Can HypnoBirthing® help mothers who must have a Cesarean Section?

Can HypnoBirthing® help mothers who must have a Cesarean Section?

My answer to this question is always a resounding YES!

As a mother who must have C-sections I used the HypnoBirthing® techniques throughout my pregnancies with Samantha and Isabella. HypnoBirthing® helped me in several different ways:

Prenatal Bonding
HypnoBirthing® encouraged me to connect with my unborn child. After having several traumatic pregnancies I found it hard to bond with my baby. By singing, talking, and being consciously aware of my child I found a positive connection to my baby. I wasn’t living in the past I was engaging the present through various creative bonding techniques. HypnoBirthing® embraces the idea of prenatal bonding and this is helpful to ALL mothers.

Breathing Techniques
Why would I need to learn breathing techniques if having a C-section? The point of the breathing techniques for a mother having a C-section is to help slow the body down. Why do you want to do that? Nerves and stress can impact the mother’s ability to take anesthesia and impact her surgery. Using the breathing techniques can help facilitate the body accepting the anesthesia easily. It allows a Mom to relax and use hypnosis effectively. Breathing deeply can be a quick way to calm oneself to be consciously present in the moment without stress. This is an effective tool for parenting, breast feeding, and life.

Rainbow Relaxation
Rainbow relaxation was created with the primary idea of helping Mom to relax and be able to use her natural expulsive reflex. However it can be used for prenatal bonding, getting better in tune with your body, and just relaxing. If you are relaxed before, during, and after surgery your recovery will be easier, quicker, and hopefully filled with less pain or no pain at all. Donald Curtis said "Relaxation means releasing all concern and tension and letting the natural order of life flow through one's being". The relaxation that this CD helps foster is a deep feeling of relaxation which is critical post birthing for being an effective parent and again with breast feeding.

Birth Preferences
I am having a Cesarean Section so I have no Birth Preferences, right? That is not true at all. In HypnoBirthing® we go over the various areas that a vaginal birth preference document incorporates. There is no reason the same principles used to create a vaginal birth plan cannot be used for a C-Section birth (Pre-Admission, Admission, Prior to Surgery, Surgery, Recovery, and Baby Options). We encourage you to research your options for anesthesia, surgery, and recovery. There is even a family friendly gentle C-section procedure that was developed in England for OB’s to use that tries to mimic some of the sensations of a vaginal birth for the baby. We can provide you with that information to present to your doctor. Most of all we encourage open communication between you and your care providers. That includes your entire health team to include OB/GYN, Interns, Labor and Delivery Nurses, Anesthesiologist, and post care nurses.

Fear Release
In HypnoBirthing® we use fear release to help mothers to leave their fears behind and feel empowered going into their births. Just because you are having a C-section does not mean you cannot be empowered. Having a baby can cause parents to have some serious fears. If you couple those fears with that of the major surgery of a C-section you have a parents who are stressed, worried, and not relaxed to welcome their baby into the world. Doing the HypnoBirthing® fear release exercise can open communication up between couples, allow them an opportunity to resolve concerns, and participate in an exercise that helps them to release their fears. Through releasing these fears we are able to have parents who are calm and confident. This is a solid base to begin their adventure into parenting.

Education
Through taking the HypnoBirthing® class parents are encouraged to investigate their choices in birthing. They are taught how to ask questions of the birthing team in a respectful manner while being clear that the birthing energy is their own. They are good parents first before being “good patients”. Learning as much as possible is important when presented with a special circumstance or a surgical birth. Parents are exposed to options to help empower and educate them on alternative holistic approaches which can be beneficial. Some of these holistic approaches can include hypnotherapy, acupuncture, herbal remedies, prenatal massage, and even reiki.

Hypnotherapy can have a huge impact in helping a mother through a C-section and with recovery. Normally a HypnoBirthing® practitioner is aware of hypnotherapists in their area or they may be a hypnotherapist themselves. So this referral can help a mother in many ways. Parents that use hypnotherapy for pre and post surgery preparation find their anxiety is reduced. They are calm, and confident which promotes healing and a speedy recovery. Hypnosis will help to reduce pain and discomfort after surgery. It will help reduce bleeding during and after surgery which helpful for mothers recovering from birth. And it reduces the need for post operative drugs so mothers can breast feed without worry of drugs passing through to the baby. From a recovery perspective I was able to walk after my C-sections between 3 and 5 hours after surgery. I had very little discomfort and my incisions healed rapidly.

In my practice, Sacred Beginning, I encourage mothers to take both HypnoBirthing® and use our hypnotherapy/reiki packages to help foster a relaxed pregnancy, a confident mother, and a calm/peaceful baby. Having a C-section is a must needed procedure for some mothers and babies. In a society of ever increasing incidents of unnecessary Cesarean Sections it’s good to know that if you must have a C-section there is a way to ensure your birthing experience can be one of positive empowerment.

Contact us today for more information at info@sacredbeginning.com or visit our website www.sacredbeginning.com.

Laboring Smoothly

No matter what type of birth you desire whether it be home, hospital, birth center, with or without medication….it is a common goal to want to labor less. Karen Bannan in the most recent issue of Parents Magazine (May 2009) wrote an article “Labor Less”. These various steps help pregnant mothers labor more smoothly. Coincidently, these are all things that we teach about in HypnoBirthing® Childbirth Education Classes. I have listed the points and some others for consideration.

CREATE A BIRTH PLAN
Communication is key when trying to ensure that your desires for your babies’ birth get communicated to your doctor, midwife, hospital, birth center, doula, labor and delivery nurses, and medical team. This document should not be a list of unreasonable demands but instead a well thought out idea of how you envision your birth proceeding. You should consider options for Admissions, Triage, Labor, Delivery, and for your baby. Think of this document as a “Wish List”. When considering options I would list items that are deal breakers i.e. meaning those items that you feel strongly about. An example- most mothers walk to their labor room, do you really need to note you do not want a wheel chair? However, if you are a breast feeding mother it is probably a deal breaker to give your baby a bottle. Think about what you are listing and be reasonable.
You should also make sure that this document is created mid-pregnancy. You can make revisions to it as your pregnancy develops. Make sure your doctor/midwife have gone over the document and understands how you want your birth to progress. They can be a good resource when creating your plan and discussing hospital policies etc. You can investigate many of your birthing options in various books.

Some suggested are:
• HypnoBirthing: The Mongan Method by Marie F. Mongan
• The Birth Book: Everything You Need to Know by William Sears
• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
• The maternity sourcebook: 230 basic decisions by Wendy Lesko

GET MOVING
Changing position can reduce the length of labor. Mendez-Bauer and Newton (1986) state: “duration of labor from 3 to 10 cm cervical dilation was about 50% shorter in patients who alternated supine and standing, standing and sitting positions.” You learn more about various positions from this link: http://www.transitiontoparenthood.com/ttp/parented/pain/positions.htm. In this article they point out that through movement and standing you can get increased comfort, reduced pain, and an enhanced sense of control. Through changing positions there are important effects to the baby. These impact the shape and size of the pelvis which can give the baby’s head an assist to move to the optimal position for descending during the first state of labor and helps the baby to rotate easily during the second phase of labor.

What are some other options for movement? Belly Dancing is GREAT for labor. It has been said that Middle Eastern women used this dance to help with labor. Walking of course is something women have known for a long time helps move labor along. Recently this was validated by the Cochrane review. Yoga is another great movement to help move labor along. In the Central Ohio area you can take prenatal yoga classes many places. The one instructor I highly recommend is Beth Gupta. She herself has used the yoga for the birth of her little one so she has first hand experience on the best poses and how to use them during labor.

DON’T LOOSE SLEEP
According to Ms. Bannans article a “2004 study indicated (University of California at San Francisco School of Nursing)women who averaged less than six hours of sleep a night in the third trimester have significantly longer labors and are 4.5 times more likely to need a C-section”. Some suggestions for a better nights sleep while pregnant:

• Get a body pillow and try some supported positions with lots of pillows to help keep you in a comfortable position.
• Try meditation or a guided visualization to help you rest.

WAIT IT OUT
Where would you rather labor; with the comforts of home or in a sterile hospital room? Laboring in an environment that is safe, secure, comfortable, and familiar allows our labor to progress easier and quicker than in a strange environment. Just as in the animal kingdom our bodies react to a different stimuli and labor can stall or slow down dramatically if we are not comfortable in our birthing environment.

Ina May Gaskin suggests that women bake cookies to help them pass the time while laboring. It helps distract the mother and she stays at home a little longer so that she progresses quicker than at the hospital. The bonus of baking those cookies is that you can take them to the hospital to give to your nurses. It’s always nice to give them a little “something” for helping you on this most important day. When you do transition to the hospital or birth center you may need a little of time to get assimilated to your environment. Have your birthing companion turn down the lights, light a candle, turn on soothing music, and set the stage for a comfortable setting to birth your baby.

Remember to ask your midwife or doctor when they want you at the hospital/birth center. It can vary depending upon your individual circumstances.

TRY MASSAGE
Perineal massage is something we discuss in our HypnoBirthing Childbirth Education classes. This is an important “assist” for first time mothers. The area between the vagina and rectum can actually tear during birthing if this area is not stretched prior to birth. Do yourself a favor and avoid the episiotomy by starting this massage daily around 36 weeks. This activity is often hard for the mother to do on her own so it’s more of a “team activity”. Go to http://www.midwife.org/siteFiles/news/sharewithwomen50_1.pdf to learn more. As always you should ask your care provider when they want you to start perineal massage. Women with an incompetent cervix or some other high risk issues should avoid doing perineal massage.


STAY ON YOUR FEET
Gravity is a friend to a laboring mother. Think about trying to get ketchup out of a bottle laying down….would it work? According to Bannan article there was a 2004 study in The Netherlands that showed sitting or squatting resulted in shortened first and second states of labor. The same study showed that woman who remained in the prone position had a higher incident of episiotomies and instrument deliveries. There are different positions that women can use to birth in the vertical position. To learn more go to http://www.transitiontoparenthood.com/ttp/parented/pain/positions.htm.


USE RELAXATION TOOLS
Of course as HypnoBirthing® Childbirth Educator and Hypnotherapist I truly advocate for mothers to learn some relaxation method. According to a 2006 Cochrane Review Study women who used self hypnosis or relaxation exercises during labor were more satisfied with their pain management. In our HypnoBirthing® surveys women are over 97% satisfied with the method for childbirth! That is an encouraging statistic. You can go to my website to find more books that will help you use visualizing and hypnosis in pregnancy. There are various methods of relaxation tools and classes out on the market for parents to use:

HypnoBirthing® Childbirth Education Classes
http://www.sacredbeginning.com/index_files/Page749.htm
http://www.hypnobirthing.com/findapract.htm

Meditation
http://www.expertvillage.com/video/128235_labor-pain-relief-meditation.htm
http://www.pregnancystore.com/labor_and_birth_preparation_cd.htm
http://www.earthmamaangelbaby.com/products/product_pages/labor_ease/Natural%20Labor%20Companion%20CD.php

Self Hypnosis or Guided Hypnosis
http://www.blissfulbirth.co.uk/birthhypnosismp3.php
http://www.vickibennett.com/audio.html

Guided Visualizations and Imagery
http://www.socalbirth.com/shelly/hypnosis.html
http://www.moondragon.org/pregnancy/guidedimagerylabor.html


HIRE A DOULA
One important factor in helping a mother to “labor less” that was overlooked in the Bannan article was hiring a doula. According to an article written “The Benefits of Hiring a Doula for your Birth” by Kathriana Bishop the following was noted:


“In their book, Mothering The Mother: How a Doula Can Help You Have a Shorter, Easier, and Healthier Birth, Marshall Klaus, John Kennell and Phyllis Klaus summarize scientific studies which have been carried out on the advantages of doula-assisted births. The evidence cited is drawn from six randomized, controlled studies. Two studies were carried out in Guatemala, the first one with 136 women, and the second with 465 women. One study took place in Houston (Texas) in the United States with 416 women. A further study involving 192 women was carried out in Johannesburg, South Africa. The fifth and sixth studies were done in Helsinki, Finland and in Canada.

All participants were primiparas (a medical term used to describe women who are giving birth to their first child). All participants were in good overall health and had had uneventful pregnancies. They were invited to participate when they were admitted into the hospital in labor. The Guatemalan doulas were trained in a 3 week course. In the South African study the women were untrained lay-women. The doulas were asked to stay with the laboring women constantly. They were instructed to use touch and verbal communication focusing on three primary factors: comfort, reassurance and praise. All of the doulas in the study had experienced regular labors and vaginal births.

In all the above studies, the doulas used soothing words, touch and encouragement. They explained the procedures as they occurred and translated medical terms into laymen's terms. The results of the studies were as follows:

• Reduced the overall cesarean rate by 50%
• Reduced the length of labor by 25%
• Reduced oxytocin use by 40%
• Reduced the use of pain medication by 30%
• Reduced forceps deliveries by 40%
• Reduced requests for epidural pain medication by 60%
• Reduced incidences of maternal fever
• Reduced the number of days newborns spent in NICU (neo-natal infant care unit)
• Reduced the amount of septic workups performed on newborns
• Resulted in higher rates of breastfeeding
• Resulted in more positive maternal assessments of maternal confidence
• Resulted in more positive maternal assessments of maternal and newborn health
• Resulted in decreased rates of postpartum depression

Klaus and Kennel speculate that the mere presence of a doula had a beneficial effect on the emotional state of the mother, resulting in a decrease in catecholamine’s (adrenaline). This relaxed state allows uterine contractions to be more effective and reduces the occurrence of compromised uterine blood flow”.

In the Central Ohio area you can learn more about doulas at:

http://www.hopewellperinatalcenter.com/doula.php
http://www.birthworkers.com/faq.htm

We hope you find this information helpful during your pregnancy. If you have any questions please free to email us at info@sacredbeginning.com.

The Journey and Path Taken

Liams Birth

Inspirational!

HypnoBirthing/Water Birth

WOW!

HypnoBirthing Parents Catch own Baby!

Amazing!

Fabi's Homebirth

Beautiful!

HypnoBirthing Aline

This video is to help inspire my HypnoBirthing Parents.

HypnoBirthing Advantages

For most of their lives, women have been inundated with the negative stories of other women’s birth experiences. Everyone, from their mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, friends, and even strangers, wants to tell them the horrors of giving birth. They have been conditioned to believe that excruciating pain is associated with birth; & women today hold an unprecedented fear of giving birth. This extreme fear causes their bodies to become tense, which prevents them from easily performing the normal, physiological function of birth. The result?—exactly what they feared most--long, painful, disappointing birthing.


People who are drawn to HypnoBirthing have long been searching for a way that helps women give birth as calmly, safely, and gently as possible. Until HypnoBirthing® was founded, it seemed almost unattainable.


Through a very simple program of self-hypnosis and education, women learn to release emotions tied to fear-based stories and misinformation, and they are helped to see birth as normal. They learn to trust that their bodies know how to bring their babies into the world in the calm and gentle way that Nature intended.


Hypnobirthing® has many advantages including the following:

* Teaches deep levels of relaxation to eliminate the fear that causes tension and, thus, pain

* Greatly reduces and often eliminates the need for chemical painkillers and drugs

* Shortens the first phase of labor & leaves mother alert, fresh, awake and with energy

* Helps keep oxygen supplied to baby during birthing

* Reduces the need for an episiotomy

* Reduces and often eliminates fatigue during labor

* Empowers parents with techniques to achieve a gentle, calm birth for themselves and their baby

* Gives the birthing companion an integral role in the birthing

* Embraces the concept of pre-birth parenting

* Teaches breathing techniques that allow a woman to gently breathe her baby into the world without the violence of hard, physical pushing.


At Sacred Beginning we offer Private Hypnobirthing® Classes in our parents homes AND Small Group Classes at CHOICE in Columbus. These individual classes allow us to focus on your specific needs and learning styles. Hypnobirthing® Classes are held in four - three hour sessions. If interested in scheduling a class; phone or email us at 740-687-5506 or info@sacredbeginning.com. You can also visit our website for our current class schedule at www.sacredbeginning.com.

Ritual Conception

Have you ever considered the role of rituals in our lives and how they can make the ordinary, extraordinary? Growing up in the Serbian Orthodox Church I was surrounded by rituals in my life including: Church Liturgy, Baptism, Marriage, Greetings, Prayers, and even meal time rituals. Each of these customs made the event seem special and unique.

In the Hypnotherapy world, we find that women whom are experiencing fertility issues are stressed and caught up in a cycle of waiting to see if they are pregnant this month or next. Relaxation is key to getting pregnant along with getting the subconscious to get on board with the idea. First, how do we accomplish relaxation? Visualization, hypnosis, removing tension, & addressing fears are all key factors to allow conception to happen. Fear release work allows the practitioner to work directly with the mom-to-be to figure out what her fears of conception might be. Some common fears are financial concerns, fear of becoming a good mother, fear of loosing oneself, or even grief from a previous loss. Fear release work should be done with a qualified clinical Hypnotherapist who can work with you in a safe environment to help you in the process.

Conception rituals can help parents-to-be to make the sexual act more cherished (especially after you have repeatedly tried to get pregnant over and over again). It helps you and your partner to connect with the sacred and divine to bring the soul that is meant for your family, to you.

Below is an example of such a ritual that I found in the book “Rituals for Sacred Living” by Jane Alexander. Of course you can incorporate anything you believe, desire, or need into this ritual. Becoming parents from conception through birthing is such a beautiful sacred time in a woman’s life. We should do things to make the entire process a LIFE altering experience that connects us to the universe and the divine.

(This ritual does not guarantee conception but it will be a beautiful well thought out beginning).

Need: Pink or Rose colored candles// Lavender & geranium oils, and oil burner.

Ritual Details: Prepare the bedroom so it is clean and comfortable. Light the candles, and burn the oils. They foster love, peace, and happiness. Spend some time talking with your partner. Think about why you want this child? Are you committed to providing a loving, secure environment for them? Be quite clear in setting your intentions. Ensure you are not seeking a baby to support a difficult relationship or for selfish reasons. Talk about your love for each other; describe how you see each other as parents. Visualize yourselves with a child of your own. How would it be?

Now lie down and take several slow, deep breaths. Let yourself relax completely. Visualize your heart chakras glowing with pure golden pink light. This light expands to become a bubble of light. You gradually become aware of other bubbles of light all around you. Each one contains a soul preparing to descend to the earth. Watch as some of the souls come up to you as if they were curious. Each soul knows what she or he desires in life and is checking to see if you are able to provide the right environment. Send out a prayer that the ‘right” soul will find you. Send out all your love, hopes, and promises. You may have a sense that a soul has picked you—if not, trust it will happen if not now, in the future.

Come back to waking awareness and share your experiences with your partner. You could now give each other a massage. Make love in the most gentle, loving way possible. Keep the idea of that waiting soul in your mind, quietly inviting her or him to come into your lives.

IDEA: Work with a Hypnotherapist to enhance this visualization into a hypnosis script. Or record this ritual yourself if you have a hard time visualizing. Either way you both can listen to the visualization together which keeps you on the same page.


Inner Peace Creates Outer Peace. The more you are able to face your fears of conception, birthing, and parenting, the easier to conceive it will be. RELAX, the journey is beautiful and the destination fulfilling.

Love & Light,
Sharon Gourlay C.Ht, HBCE, HBIMI, BA, RMT

About HypnoBirthing

This Healing Path

This Healing Path

2003~my father turned 73 that year. His congestive heart failure coupled by syrosis of the liver and diabetes caused him to only have a very short time to live. The man you see as your protector, the one who is always there to support you through life is now supposed to die. I was in serious denial. Meanwhile as the year progressed I met my soul mate. He proposed, we were getting married in December, and very much in love. Much to our surprise we found that we were expecting our son. We didn’t believe we could get pregnant and so we were so amazed. Our wedding was scheduled for December 13, 2003. It was an amazing experience although it took on a saddened feeling for me since my father wasn’t there to walk me down the aisle. But the ceremony was beautiful, in a castle with just about 15 close friends. We embraced the magic of the day. Later we found that my father’s condition was worse.

On January 25, 2004 after having hospice at the house for several weeks and having several rebounds my father passed away. The toll that his death and subsequent other issues that all collided together was an incredible stress upon me and my baby. Flash back to my fathers sobbing grief when he lost his mother and life had come full circle for me. I remember sobbing so hard that I couldn’t eat, had a hard time breathing, and just holding onto my husband for his steadfast support. Back then I didn’t understand the impact that major stress can have upon a pregnancy.

From March of Dimes website:
“Very high levels of stress may contribute to preterm birth or low birth weight in full-term babies. Examples of events that may be highly stressful include loss of a job, divorce, or death of a close family member”.

I was 24 weeks pregnant, just returned home from a very stressful experience and at my OBGYN’s office. He did a vaginal exam that day to make sure all was ok because I was having some discharge. All looked fine and secure. I went home that night and cuddled up in my husbands arms. He comforted me, held me, and loved me. That night I had horrible cramps. Something wasn’t right. When I got up in the morning after he left for work, I found I was spotting.

A phone call to the OBGYN, another call to a close friend to take me the hospital and then a 45 minute trip to the hospital ensued. We found out after much time spent terrified in a small diagnostic room that I was 4 centimeters dilated at 24 weeks and a couple days pregnant. I was put on hospital bed rest. I could not have the cerclage because the bag of waters was bulging. All that could be done was drugs to stop the contractions (which I wasn’t really feeling at that point) and being put inverted in the bed. I spent most of two weeks with a catheter in and lying in that bed stressed, crying, and terrified I was going to loose my son.

My water broke after being in the hospital for @10 days. I sat with it broke for almost 4 days. I had antibiotics and steroids to help mature my son’s lungs. The NICU staff and doctors came in and said that at 26 weeks there was little hope that our son would survive. One of the doctors in my OB’s practice told me I had no choice but to have a C-section. I refused.

We did everything we could during those 4 days to keep my labor from progressing. Finally at exactly 26 weeks I spent the entire day unaware that I was in labor. I kept having a crampy feeling like menstrual cramps. It wasn’t until my husband showed up that night after work that we figured I was in labor. The doctor was called. They found my sons arm hanging out of the birth channel when doing a vaginal exam. An emergency C-section was necessary.

This is what I remember from that point forward……….being terrified, seeing the whirl of lights all around me while someone undressed me, put a cap on me, a team of people around my bed, rushing me down a hall, and the tears running down my face. My son was going to die. I just knew it. I was afraid. I just lost my father. My Mama was 250 miles away. And my husband was being prepped to be in the surgery with me. It took them three tries to get the epidural/spinal in. At one point I was screaming because it hurt so horribly. Rushing a needle into someone’s back is never, ever a good thing. My hands were tied down. I never expected that. The anesthesiologist was kind and tried to wipe the tears from my face. My husband tried to be strong but I could see the tears in his eyes too. There was a room full of people who all felt out terror, sadness, and worry. The NICU staff waited in the wings.

And then my son……my dear son Niko was born that day. February 11, 2004. It would have been my parents wedding anniversary. He weighed just a little more than 1 pound. He fit in my husband hand. The NICU staff took him and rushed him away to work on him. Meanwhile I didn’t even get to see him. I was in shock. They finished closing me up and sent me to recovery. I had no idea what was happening. I anxiously waited, crying alone (I sent my husband to the NICU with our son). I felt so utterly alone. And then I was taken to a room on the maternity floor. I could hear other families with their babies and I longed for my own. Finally, I got word that my son was on a ventilator but still breathing. They gave me meds at that point and knocked me out. My husband exhausted went home for the night. After 13 hours after surgery I finally got up out of bed. I will never forget that horrible feeling of the staples and trying to get up again and walk simply to the bathroom. I needed to get to the NICU and see my son. But there was no one to take me. Finally a nurse offered to take me to the NICU.

I walked to the wheel chair and they took me to see my tiny little baby boy. He was in a separate room in the NICU for high risk babies. He was all alone except for the care of a nurse. I looked down into that isolette for the first time and was overwhelmed.

He was so small.

He was so incredibly fragile.

And he was my son.

The nurse looked at me and could tell I was afraid to touch him. I was crying. She took my son out of the isolette, wires attached, and gave him to me to hold. I sat in a chair and looked at his tiny feet and hands in wonder. And I was overwhelmed again with raw emotion.
Emotions that included anger because this should have never happened, sadness because he was so fragile, happiness because here was the son I thought I would never have, and a very tiny spark of hope…….because he had made it this far.

And for almost two weeks I was on a roller coaster ride of hope and despair. The feelings of seeing my son’s health improve and then decelerate was horrible. The NICU nurses were so good to our family and to my dear little son. They made cards of his footprints. There were messages to us on the isolette each day from our son. They became precious to us. We were taught to change his diaper and most importantly how to bond with him. We did kangaroo care. At one point I held my tiny son next to my skin and rocked him for over 4 hours. It was the best his vitals had ever been. Then it all changed over night.

They couldn’t get lines into our sons veins. We hurried and drove to get to the hospital. When we arrived the gravity of the situation hit us. That flicker of hope that we had was quickly diminishing as the morning progressed. Several nurses and doctors tried to run lines into his head because all of the other veins were collapsing. The decision was made that our child be transported from the level 3 NICU he was in to Columbus Children's Hospital (Now Nationwide Children's Hospital). We followed the ambulance. I was terrified and scared. Why this now?
We waited in the waiting room for hours and finally we were allowed to see our son. To see a line going into the head of your son is pretty shocking. He looked so tiny in the isolette. He had many ups and downs during his little two week life span.

On the night of February 24, 2004 we went home for the first time in days to spend the night (45 minutes away one way). I had serious reservations about spending the night away but the nurses encouraged me that I needed some rest. That night at 3am we got a phone call from the NICU staff that we were needed immediately. By the time we got up to the hospital our son was having seizures every so often. Looking into his eyes….he longed for an end to this torture. And so we waited for our NICU doctor to get to the hospital. Then we made the decision no parent should ever have to make ~ we agreed that our dear little baby boy needed to be taken off of life support. It was decided to give him morphine so he wouldn’t be in any pain. Meanwhile the nurses brought us a blue crocheted outfit and blanket for us to dress our son in. Our priest was called to deliver last rights (Niko was baptized when I was in recovery from the C-section by our priest).

They removed Niko from the machines and handed him to my husband who cradled our son in his loving arms as we moved to a family support room. Our son drew his last breath and then I held on to him, nestled against my bosom for quite some time. I never wanted to let go of him. I was in utter shock. I couldn’t function. Tears were my constant companion that day but not the soul wrenching sobs that you often see portrayed on television when parents loose a child. Instead I felt like I was Alice in Wonderland falling into the rabbit hold. Further and further I tumbled deep inside of myself. My best friend was there and she supported me as best as she could. The priest said nothing. What could he say to us? Our child just died and this was not supposed to happen. Finally the doctors came in and said they should take Niko now. I didn’t want to let him go still. I fought the urge to run out of the hospital carrying him with me. Jeff made me see sense. And somehow I allowed my little son to be taken away. I never saw his body again. It was suggested that I be taken home and that he wrap up stuff at the hospital. So my best friend held my hand, watched me sob as she drove me home, and then she sat with me while I made the calls that no parents should ever have to make. I called my family. I called funeral homes and cemeteries. I made appointments and arrangements for my son to be picked up at the hospital.

We were lucky enough to find that in our community there was a kindness of strangers. A local funeral home allowed us to have a service and helped us bury our son with the dignity that each human being should be afforded. We went to the cemetery to pick out his grave in the children's section. And then were shocked at all of the children in our local cemetery who died way too soon in life. Many didn’t even have head stones. It was so sad.

The day my son died and the day we buried him were in fact the worst days of my life. Seeing that tiny coffin was so hard. Watching it be lowered into the ground even harder.
For me I finally saw a pattern in this past few months. This pattern I point out because I believe everything happens for a reason. My father died on January 25, 2004. My son was born on February 11, 2004 (my parents wedding anniversary). And my son died on February 25, 2004, one month exactly to the date my father died. The dates and pattern have meaning in my life. It helps me to recognize that my father and son are not alone in heaven but clearly are together.

Fast Forward to today. I decided that everything happens for a reason. And so to give my sons small life meaning, I have dedicated a new path with clear vision. I teach parents and women childbirth education classes, infant massage classes, am a hypnotherapist, and Reiki master. Often I work with mothers whom have lost a child due to a miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal loss. It is my hope that my story helps those parents see that their children were an important part of their lives and that grief eventually gets to be less of an intense emotion. We are able to endure and honor the legacy of our children. Hopefully, we are able to grieve the loss of our child, the loss of our family, and the loss of our birthing dream in a healing way. Through this loss we begin our own "Healing Path" .