Who am I now that I have children?

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you". ~Desmond Tutu

I look at my girls in amazement each and every day. They inspire me to be a better human and mother.

Recently I have felt like a horrible mother because I have over extended myself to the point of not being "present" with my girls when at home. I am always busy doing this or that for someone else. I am having such a hard time finding that work/life balance thing because my work has always been my life. My computer is on and I find myself responding to emails and just doing.

My house is something I always took pride in. Now I find it falling down around my feet. Having children redefines the word "clean". There are some choices that I make as a mother....do I put clothes on today or just wear jammies? Should I wash my hair or make sure the girls are dressed? I always decide in their favor and I am falling down around my feet. There was a time I wouldn't ever leave the house with unwashed hair and little makeup. What happened to me? How did I get ran over on the road to having children? I know as a mother I need to be here for my girls but shouldn't there be a way that I can still be a woman and a mother?

I love my family. I love my husband. I love my job. I love the causes I volunteer for. Somewhere a line must be drawn. Somewhere there is a way to do it all, right? WRONG.......Hence a family meeting coming up this week so we can decide how to handle this all together. Some topics to include....getting the girls on a better schedule, finding time for me each day, organizing the house so that it works for a family and NOT a couple, a new nap routine, a new bedtime routine....and who does what chore.

I am praying that this is a step in the right direction for my energy levels, sanity, and creating a better solid base for the family.

Being a mother is an amazing journey but it is not my only path. I need to have time for myself and for others besides my children. Some may think this is foolish and others may think it selfish. I just think there has to be a better way. I deserve to find a way that works better and so does my family.