The Transforming Fourth Trimester

The Transforming Fourth Trimester

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new”. Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Consider all of the work you have done in preparation for pregnancy, birthing, and parenthood. Then consider the evolution and transformation you have gone through as a woman through this process. Going into pregnancy often women have had time to define who they are as individuals. This definition could be filtered through work, charity, or some other definitive component of their life. And then some mothers have no idea who they are. Motherhood changes everything including who you are as an individual. Just as the baby experiences “the fourth trimester” so does the mother.

Unfortunately many mothers don’t take the time to just “be”. Transformation is a challenging time for anyone. There was a time when you had only yourself and your significant other to worry about. Now there is a baby to add to that mix and you have new responsibilities and priorities. This is a time to slow down and be gentle with your being. Take inventory and recharge your batteries emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Learn who you are as a mother, a woman, and a transformed human.

Processing
So how can we get to explore and get to know this new person? Journaling can be a powerful tool in this journey. Think about your birthing experience. If you can write about the experience as soon as possible after the birth it allows you time to consider and remember exactly what happened. You have immediate perspective which allows you to write accurately about a life altering event such as birthing. Having this event documented can provide a written account of your childbirth experience coupled with a creative outlet to process the event. What should you write about? Consider the following outline:

• How did you know you were in labor?
• How did it all begin?
• How did you feel?
• What did it feel like? How did you handle the contractions? Did you use drugs or not? How did you feel when you met your baby?
• Consider the different stages of birth and write about each of those phases: prelabor, thinning and opening, transition, final descent, and the arrival of your cherished baby.
• After you have a written account of your birth, considering asking for input from others (birth companion, midwife, doula, your family that was present, labor and delivery nurse, and/or OB). Its nice to have others perspective on your birthing too.

You have completed your record (written, in photos or video). Now take time to re-frame the birth if necessary. Consider what changes you would make for your next birth. Maybe you should bond more with your baby during pregnancy? Maybe your birth experience was traumatic? Would a support group help you? Finding a professional therapist that works with new mothers can be helpful. Some groups that provide both a social and educational component for new mothers are:

• ICAN ~ International Cesarean Awareness Network
• Le Leche League
• Mother Groups
• Local Parent Support Groups
• Online try Yahoo Parenting Groups, CafeMom, or Mindful Mama.
• In the Central Ohio area try CHOICE. They have a parent support group (regardless if you had a home birth or not). Sprout Soup on High Street has groups. The Elizabeth Blackwell Center also has mommy and me weekly get together. If you look into your community you can find wonderful support groups.

Affirmations
So you have been through this powerful trans-formative event called childbirth. The aftermath can leave a mother unsure of herself, possibly with some negative self talk, and possibly an unclear direction or life purpose. Lets now re-frame that thought. The aftermath of childbirth can provide us with opportunity- opportunity for change, for self reflection, and a new way of life. A tool that you may have used during pregnancy for a positive birthing are affirmations. These same tools can be used to help us re-frame our attitudes after birth. Affirmations basically are statements that consciously reprogram your mind to accept new ways of living. Some affirmations that you might find helpful are from Louise Hay’s book “Empowering Women-Every Woman’s Guide to Successful Living:

• I claim my feminine power now.
• I am discovering how wonderful I am.
• I see within myself a magnificent being.
• I am wise and beautiful.
• I love what I see in me.
• I choose to love and enjoy myself.
• I am my own woman.
• I am in charge of my life.
• I expand my capabilities.
• I am free to be all that I can be.
• I have a great life.
• My life is filled with love.
• I have dominion over my life.
• I am a powerful woman.
• I am worthy of love and respect.
• I am willing o learn new ways of living.
• I stand on my own two feet.
• I accept and use my own power.
• I am a peace with being a mother.
• I rejoice and enjoy were I am.
• I love and enjoy myself.
• I love, support, and enjoy the women in my life.
• I am deeply fulfilled by life.
• I explore all the many avenues of love.
• I love being a woman.
• I love being alive at this point in time and space.
• I fell my life with love.
• I accept this gift of my alone time.
• I feel totally complete and whole.
• I give myself what I need.
• It is safe for me to grow.
• I am safe, and all is well in my world.

Gratitude
Going through a trans-formative experience such as childbirth can make us appreciate and live in an energy of gratitude. You may be grateful that you had an empowering experience, that your child was born healthy, or for someone who helped you through the experience. The birthing experience often makes mothers think about their mothers in a much more appreciative light. Possibly you are contemplating the contribution that female mentors have made on your life. These women may have shaped your ideas about motherhood. Often after we go through such a transforming experience we have a new understanding of our own history and those who played a role in it. Expressing gratitude can lead to our feelings of inner peace. It has been reportced that those who express their gratitude are happier and healthier individuals. Consider writing a thank you note or letter to your mother or other important female mentor for all that she has given to you. You could also start a gratitude journal and list those things that cause you to be appreciative during the day. It is hard to see life through rose colored glasses when you are getting so little sleep as a mother. When you take time to smell the roses by writing down a few items that you are grateful for each day your life can be transformed to a more positivce thinking model.

Creative Expression
How else can you process your birth experience? Creative expression can be incredibly helpful when trying to process our experiences. Creating a collage or some birth artistry can bring another light to our birthing story. We use art in a way that often allows our subconscious barriers down and our spirit is given a voice. A birth portrait can be made in an impressionistic, modern, or some other artistic expression. You can use water colors, chalks, decoupage, acrylics, scrap-booking and other mediums. Consider creating your own artistic expressions of motherhood.

“Releasing the Mother Goddess” by Feldman and Adamson explains how enlightening it can be to consider what energies or spirit watched over you during your birthing. Did you have a natural birth? Perhaps a mother Goddess stood over you and urged you to accomplish your duty. Think about the web of women who stood behind, beside, and around you during this empowering experience. Did you have a Cesarean section? Think about how a mother Goddess possibly invoked medical aid to keep you and your child healthy and strong. Think about this web of women who surrounded you with positive birth energy then use that energy to fuel your artistic expression.

Reflection
Taking time for self after giving birth can be challenging for the new mother. However if you can just find time, at least 10 minutes to an hour or more each day you can have the benefits of clarity. What do you do with your ten minutes? Just take time to “be”. Sit quiet and reflect on who you are as a transformed being. Consider the new dimension to your life. If you are a spiritual person take a moment to pray a prayer of gratitude. Or if you feel comfortable meditate or follow a guided visualization to recharge your batteries. Did you know that 10 minutes of meditation can give you better rest than an entire night of sleep? That is critical when you consider how sleep deprived mothers are. Regarding meditation Dr. Wayne Dyer said “Through meditation we can tap in to an abundance of creative energy that resides within us, and a more meaningful experience of life, which enriches us permanently”. Applying that idea to motherhood and you have a tool that empowers and enriches us daily. You can find books on meditation all over the market. Some books which have been helpful for me:

• Dr. Wayne Dyer Getting in the Gap; Making Conscious Contact with God through Meditation
• Essential Tips 101 Basic Meditation by DK Publishing
• The Meditation Bible

The power of laughter
Think about the power of a full belly laugh. It can help rejuvenate the soul and change your entire perspective on life. Taking time to find the laughter in our lives is critical to being well adjusted and even keeled parents. Just as laughter helps to create endorphins during labor, we can use the same principal to help overcome some of the postpartum feelings of being overwhelmed as a new mother. Watch your favorite comedian or movie to find the laughter in your life again. Some suggested video rentals:

• Movies: Planes Trains and Automobiles, The Princess Bride, Bill Cosby – Himself, and others.
• Comedians: Elvira Kurt, Carlos Mancia, Lewis Black, or Ron White.

The physical “phacts”
Now consider the effects of birthing on your body. You may find you are carrying a little extra weight. Your body has morphed into a new physical shape because of the uterus being stretched and the extra fluid retention during pregnancy. Many women are completely disappointed that they are not able to wear their old pre-pregnancy jeans home from the hospital. The adjustment of learning to appreciate your new body can be filled with denial and then focused by reality. Taking time to look in the mirror and embrace the beauty of your new body can be quite empowering. This is your body….a body that previously was innocent and ignorant to what power and courage you possessed. Now post pregnancy and birthing you can embrace the power of maturity in the evolution your body. Being able to look in the mirror and find greater happiness and physical satisfaction is pure joy. Being able to laugh can help you cope with these changes and allow you an opportunity for rejuvenation.

When you are done laughing consider taking some fun “baby and me” time by exercising. Take a walk, garden, go to a local Yoga or Pilate's class, or rent an exercise video. Exercise can be therapeutic and allow you a few moments to either bond with your baby or just quiet reflection. Plus endorphins are created through movement which is beneficial from an emotional standpoint. A great basic Yoga video is Megan Garcia's Mega Yoga. By just moving can help you get in shape and re-frame your outlook on life. Embracing fuller hips, bust line, and body can be empowering but being healthy is beneficial for longevity as a mother. Think about accepting yourself in this moment as a powerful, courageous, and beautiful. That doesn’t mean we should not try to become more healthy for our families, right?

Inner peace as a mother is a balancing act that changes each day. Learning to tune into your needs and desires is critical through this transforming fourth trimester. For more ideas about how to connect with who you are read “Releasing the Mother Goddess” by Gail Carr Feldman Ph.D. and Even Adamson.

Who am I now that I have children?

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you". ~Desmond Tutu

I look at my girls in amazement each and every day. They inspire me to be a better human and mother.

Recently I have felt like a horrible mother because I have over extended myself to the point of not being "present" with my girls when at home. I am always busy doing this or that for someone else. I am having such a hard time finding that work/life balance thing because my work has always been my life. My computer is on and I find myself responding to emails and just doing.

My house is something I always took pride in. Now I find it falling down around my feet. Having children redefines the word "clean". There are some choices that I make as a mother....do I put clothes on today or just wear jammies? Should I wash my hair or make sure the girls are dressed? I always decide in their favor and I am falling down around my feet. There was a time I wouldn't ever leave the house with unwashed hair and little makeup. What happened to me? How did I get ran over on the road to having children? I know as a mother I need to be here for my girls but shouldn't there be a way that I can still be a woman and a mother?

I love my family. I love my husband. I love my job. I love the causes I volunteer for. Somewhere a line must be drawn. Somewhere there is a way to do it all, right? WRONG.......Hence a family meeting coming up this week so we can decide how to handle this all together. Some topics to include....getting the girls on a better schedule, finding time for me each day, organizing the house so that it works for a family and NOT a couple, a new nap routine, a new bedtime routine....and who does what chore.

I am praying that this is a step in the right direction for my energy levels, sanity, and creating a better solid base for the family.

Being a mother is an amazing journey but it is not my only path. I need to have time for myself and for others besides my children. Some may think this is foolish and others may think it selfish. I just think there has to be a better way. I deserve to find a way that works better and so does my family.

Motherhood creative expression and dreams

Magical Momma and Banish the Bad Mood Creed Principals from Brandy Astwoods Series

• Creative Expression…..Art, Journal, Sing, Indulge in Outside Interests Banish the Bad Mood
• Have personal dreams and goals ~ Magical Mommas

I collect quotes on various subjects. You will find in my blogging I normally include a quote or two. I love the website www.gaia.com. They have an awesome quote collection. I was looking for quotes to inspire me the other day and was drawn to this one written by Laura Teresa Marquez:

“No matter the goal you have set -- if you have not quit, you have not failed.”

Recently I scheduled a free HypnoBirthing® Informational Seminar in an outlying community near where I live. I was so excited to give this presentation and looking forward to working with the women in this community. I prepared, advertised, and worked with my partner business getting ready for the big day. Finally the day had arrived and…………no one showed up. I felt like such a failure in that moment. And then I found this quote and it made me realize that I need to keep trying.

Being a Magical Momma we all have personal dreams and goals, right?

My question to you is have you written your goals or dreams down somewhere?

The key to manifesting our desires is to express them. In doing some research for this blog I found an awesome article on journaling called “Finding Yourself through Journaling” ~ http://hubpages.com /hub/A_Guide_to_the_Many_Ways_To_Find_Yourself. The word “journaling” evokes images in my mind of fifth grade childish visions, writing in a diary with hearts and locks. But after reading this article my image of what a journal is changed. You aren’t confined to just writing but expressing yourself through art, collage, writing, and including poems or even music lyrics you enjoy. The examples the author Toni Cyanbrock gave of her journal were so inspiring. She took the cover of her journal and used an ‘old photo of herself, some tissue paper, news print, and ink to remind her, "Don't Settle" because her journal is about self-discovery and personal growth”.

Journals help us to discover who we are. And after having a child its hard to know who this new person truly is. “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new”. ~Rajneesh Even after having more than one child!

The challenge is to meet this new woman and what better way than through creative expression. A recent challenge I gave to my HypnoBirthing® mothers was to develop their “dream of motherhood” on a dream board (aka…vision board, dream map). A dream board is a powerful tool to help clarify what your goals are and help you reinforce and achieve them. The Law of Attraction truly explains how this tool can help. Specifically, this Universal Law demonstrates how we create the things, events, and people that come into our lives. Our thoughts, feelings, words, and actions produce energies which, in turn, attract like energies. Negative energies attract negative energies and positive energies attract positive energies. By clarifying exactly what you desire you are able to envision your positive image and by focusing on it each day it helps you to bring it into reality.

Creating a dream board is not a difficult project. There is no right or wrong way to do this.

• First you should get a poster board, bulletin board, painters canvas or even a poster board frame as your base of the dream board.
• Collect images that inspire or motivate you. You can have a specific theme for your dream board OR it can be a collection or grouping of goals.
• Some places you can find these images are: Print Publications – Magazines, Newspapers, Old Books, & Advertisements. You will want Magazines covering different subjects: money/wealth, career, sport, adventure, health, cooking, spirituality/philosophy, fitness, fashion, travel etc. Try the following websites for images: http://www.images.google.com, http://photobucket.com/.
• You may want to purchase other decorative elements like ribbons, sparkles/glitters, material, special papers, and even stickers.
• Make sure you have good glue. You can use Elmer’s glue but I normally use Modge Podge Decoupage Medium. It seals in the picture so it doesn’t fall off of the canvas.
• Cut out your images and then use your creative abilities to design your board.

I have successfully used dreams boards to help inspire me to loose weight, achieve a sales quota in order to win a trip to the Bahamas & to be able to maintain a positive pregnancy.

Les Brown said "Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life." So what are your goals for motherhood, becoming a better you, and your future? The time is now to start visualizing, actualizing, planning, creating, and achieving YOUR DREAMS! What is stopping you? Nothing! You my fellow Magical Momma are unstoppable so go now and cut, glue, and journal your way into your dreams!

Much love and light,

Sharon Gourlay C.Ht, HBCE, HBIMI, BA, RMT

Conversation/Suggestion: Why not get your girlfriends together and have a dream board party? Spend the evening with a glass of wine, friends, and being creative. What better way to dream than among the stars who are your friends! If you need help pulling a party together contact me. As part of Sacred Beginning Services we help pull together Dream Board Parties.